Remembering Baby

When I first found out we were pregnant, my husband and i were beyond thrilled. Throughout the pregnancy, we were told he had several anomolies- none of them lifethreatening but there were too many for it not to be part of some type of syndrome. Nothing fit into any syndrome they knew of. I gave birth in January 2012 via c-section. Nathan had trouble breathing and was immediately place in NICU. He remained in the NICU for 8 weeks until he died in March this year. He showed such improvement, they were talking about releasing him, then things headed south and continued to progress downwards the last two weeks of his life. To date, we still do not have any sort of diagnosis or cause. This was our first child, first pregnancy. I stayed with him all day every day and held him for as long as I could whenever I could. I miss my son so much that sometimes it hurts to breath (you know when you get that lump in your throat when really upset). A part of us has died and we will never be whole again. I miss you, Nathan. I hope you know that we did everything that we could for you. I hope you found comfort that I held you as you left his world. I will never understand why this happens. I hope you are at peace and hopefully one day so will we. I love you, chicken little. xoxo

This is the story of my little Jacob: I gave birth in 2000 to a very healthy baby boy. But my financial and personal situations were not ideal for bringing a new life into this world. However I struggled though and made it right, so after 10 years the situation couldn’t get much better to jump start my small family. Two year we tried and could not get pregnant. Why, when it was so easy the first time? We did not have much money so we skated around using medical help. And when a doctor continues to tell you time and time again that you are young and healthy just give it time you seem to want to take matters into your own hands because no one will listen to you that something is wrong! So I studied and found out natural remedies and aids that might help. And after much research I found a daily herbal pill that worked!! After three months of taking the pill I got pregnant! I was so overjoyed. My son was turning 11 and was excited to have a baby brother or sister…… but it was not meant to be I miscarried at 8 weeks. It was heartbreaking!! So I started the herbal remedy again, and like the first time after three months I was pregnant!!! This time was exciting and nerve racking… but I made it past the 8 week mark, and the 10th….. I made it into my second trimester and though I was free and clear. I worked to ready the nursery; I worked to ready my family and my home for my sweet baby. Then one night I wasn’t feeling well; lower abdomen cramping. I tried not to worry but it was hard not to when the pain felt like I was about to start my period. My husband assured me not to get overworked about it, there was not spotting, that I should just relax. My baby moved within me as we spoke. So I fell asleep and slept through the night a little restlessly; the pain was still there. In the morning I woke and was still not feeling well…. Now I was really worried. I got up to go to the bathroom and there it was…. BLOOD. I panicked!! Not again!! Sure enough within 10 minute of crying and my husband trying desperately to calm me down and get a plan together to get me down to the doctor….. my water broke. We rushed ourselves to the hospital. The doctor confirmed right away that this pregnancy was ending right then and there. It was then our decision to let my body reject the baby on its own or if I should take medication to speed it up. I didn’t have to make that decision within two hours of arriving at the hospital, while we awaited some test to see how the baby was doing after hearing a hearing a weak heartbeat, I was rushed into a birthing room and was told to push. I gave birth to a baby boy after 18 week of gestation. To small and underdeveloped to survived in this world. It’s hard to understand how you can one moment you can feel the baby move, hear its heartbeat inside your womb and in the next minute you are holding your baby in your arms and it’s not moving, not breathing, no heartbeat, not life. We named our son Jacob Anthony. We hold him in our hearts. We miss him desperately and wish to remember him always. I always believed things happen for a reason. That maybe after sacrificing my little Jacob that the doctors will now believe me and run test to find out why I can’t carry a child. But I can understand why I have to sacrifice my children for someone to listen and understand……..

I always dreamed of having kids from as far back as i can remember, of having my own family, and having someone call me \" mommy\". So imagine my excitement when i found out i was pregnant, my bf was equally as thrilled and we couldnt wait to tell everybody we knew. Angel my sweet sweet Bebe as i always called you, i loved you from the very moment i realized you were growing inside me you were all i ever wanted, but for some reason God decided you needed to be with Him so at 6 wks you were lifted into heaven to play and watch over Papi and me untill we can finally be with you. Finding out i was never going to feel you inside me, feel you kick, feel you wiggle when i would sing to you breaks my heart in a way only your Papi and i will know. Only God knows why He took you from us so soon and only He knows when we will be able to see your beautiful face one day. I know you will watch over us and will protect as just as we would have done for you. I love you more that words can explain Bebe, i live each day in remembrance of you<3

The last 3 yrs have been so very hard. May 2010 I lost my son Skyler at 20 wks. May 2011 I lost Searria at 37 wks do to the cord wrapped 2 n she was breech. Now again we had r another daughter Malia Sky born at 24 wks April 2012 n healthy n taken to CHKD where she stayed for 35 day with brain bleed. See passed away May 2012. GOD bless our babys.I know u all r playing in the fields picking flowers. I will see u all someday. We will try again someday. I am 36 yrs old n my GOD will see me through.

My precious little man I love u so much! I was 17 wks when a routine appt started as my 2nd opportunity to hear his amazing heartbeat. By that afternoon we were being told that he had passed away three to four wks ago. My world fell apart...I was admitted to the hospital and on February 4th, 2012 at 2:05pm, my beautiful boy was born. We only just looked at the pictures we were sent home with and just named him a week a nd a half ago. today has been a rough day. I\'m so sad and miss everything...all my dreams for him, for us...we wish we would have spent more time with him, but now he\'s gone...he was our first, and maybe our last?? His father is so sad and scared to try again...I\'m scared, but can\'t imagine that Andrew Sawyer could be my only baby and he\'s not even here for me to hold, to hug, to read to at bedtime, to kiss his booboos away, to raise into a man...I miss him SO much and often wonder if I will make it through this grief?! I love you Andrew Sawyer Coffie! I will always be your mommy! Be at peace and know you are loved...from the moment you were thought of!

My little baby. I had to lose you at 23 weeks bc you were very sick in my belly It was the hardest saddest day of our lives. I miss you so much, and wish I could feel your Touch and kicks again. I know I never will and that\'s what kills me so much now. I hope ur healthy up in heaven and Tata is taking good care of you. I can\'t wait till the day I get to meet you and hold you in my arms. I\'ll never forget you my angel. We love you so much.

I had twins and one of them passed away from a medical condition. He lived almost two months. His twin sister is doing good and will be turning three next month. we miss him so much and when we look at our daughter we often find our selfs thinking if he was a live what will he be doing know. what will the thing be that he loves. miss you so much my little man.

My little baby.. I lost you at ten weeks, because I couldn\'t keep you I was so young and had a lot of pressure not to keep you I\'m sorry xx I wanted you more than anything! I wish I kept you But I know you are my angel now and we will meet one day xx You have 2 beautifull sisters and they would have loved you xx I always think of you. You would of been going to school now. I\'m so sorry. Everything happens for a reason. But we are still always together in our hearts ok I love you little one. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Il never forgive myself xxxxxxxx Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx