I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I thought I had everything planned out perfectly. I would be due in early June, and get to have the whole summer off with the baby. I had just told a few people at work that I was pregnant and they were just as excited as I was. Two days later, I started bleeding. I insisted on going to church that morning, even though I was an emotional mess. I just knew something wasn\'t right. I cried through the entire service. My poor husband didn\'t know what to do. Monday I went in for some bloodwork and an ultrasound. The doctor made it sound like everything was okay, but I was pretty sure I was headed for a miscarriage. Soon after I got home, I started have severe cramps. My husband told me to try not to think about the pain, and maybe it would go away. I knew for sure at this point, I was going to lose the baby. At 5:30 that evening it happened. My husband and daughter were out getting dinner, so I was home by myself. I got in the shower and cried my heart out. I couldn\'t believe what had just happened. Three days ago I was so excited, and now all I was left with was gut-wrenching pain. I told my husband when he got home, but he didn\'t really understand what I was going through. He made the comment that since I was only 5-7 weeks along, it was just a blob of tissue. To me it wasn\'t a blob of tissue, it was my precious little baby who was taken from us before we could even hold it. I cried a lot that night, and somehow I managed to go to work the next day. I know that sounds crazy, but I really didn\'t know what else to do. I had already spent two days crying, and I couldn\'t bare the thought of being home by myself. Because I went back to work and was able to keep myself busy, it didn\'t fully sink in until Wed. night. My heart hurt so bad, I could hardly breathe. I don\'t know that I ever felt such intense pain in my life. I sobbed most of the night, until I finally fell into a restless sleep. Things seemed to get better after that aweful night.
The miles stones were still very hard. The day I was scheduled to have my first prenatal appt. was the worst. I was also planning on announce our pregnancy at church during our membership service. My husband and I just became members of our church, and it was going to be a very exciting Sunday morning. That service was tough. I guess the next mile stone is Thanksgiving. That\'s when I was going to tell our families the good news. Now I\'ll be spending the day trying not to think about how sad and empty I feel inside.
From the outside, I\'m sure it looks like I\'m doing just fine. But, it still hurts so much. Some days almost more than I can handle. I feel like my husband has already moved on. Last night I asked him if he still feels sad when he thinks about it. He simply stated that he never thinks about it. He was surprised that I remembered that it was the 4 week anniversary of my miscarriage. That really hurt, how could I not remember it. I feel so alone emotionally. The one person who I love more than anyone in the world, is on a completely different planet emotionally. I know I need to talk to him about how I feel, I just don\'t know how to do it. He\'s a wonderful, loving husband; but he just doesn\'t get it. Right now I need him to be here to support me emotionally, and I need to tell him that before it\'s too late.
The hardest part of dealing with the pain of losing a child through miscarriage, is having to carry the weight of the pain and grief alone. You truly are the only person who had that special bond and connection with the baby. Even your husband, no matter how caring and supportive he is, will never feel the loss as intensely as you. You are the only one who\'s heart is completely torn in two. It\'s a horrible feeling, and a very lonely place to be.
I know it will get better one day. I have a few friends who have experienced miscarriages too, and they have been a tremendous help to me. Just sitting here and telling my story has been very therapeutic too. I must admit, I\'ve been crying the entire time. That\'s okay, there\'s nothing wrong with a good cry. This experience has been life-changing. I hope someday I can look back and say it helped bring me closer to God and my husband. I don\'t know if I can say that now, I still have a lot of work to do. I know God will be with me every step of the way, no matter how long it takes. At this rate, it might take a while.
To all the women reading this, I love you and I know what you\'re going through. You\'re not alone and there are so many women just like ourselves who have a story to tell. It might be painful, but take the time to share your story, and allow the healing to begin. We owe it to ourselves and our families to allow this tragedy to make us the caring, compassionate, strong women God created us to be. My prayers are with you! 10-24-2011 / Lancaster, PA
To find out I was pregnant at 24 was a shock.. But to find out 5 weeks later I was pregant with triplets was mind blowing! I had a very very rough pregnancy doctors every week, and bed rest starting at 4 months. From the beging my identicals I was carrying were in trouble because they shared the same sac. On Dec 8, 2010 me and my boy friend went in for what we thought was a regualr weekly ultrasound. Soon it would become the worst day of my life. My doctor rushed in an took me to triage, on the way he explained that one of the babies had no heart beat and he was afraid we would lose the other. At 9am on the 8th we learned that Oscar the smallest of my boys had passed away some time in the last week, then at 3pm his identical twin Quinlan\'s heart also stopped beating. I was in shock, dis belife, and confused. The only thing that has kept me strong is there Lincoln who was not affected by the events taht had happend. TO this day almost a year later I think of them every day. And love my prefect baby boy so hard it hurtsMy Stars in the Sky Quinlan & Oscar
We were so excited to become pregnant for a second time, another lovely person to add to our family. At 12 weeks, the day after Christmas, we found out you were gone. I felt that you were not there for a couple weeks and thought that I was prepared for that news. You were not just a little bundle of cells or a tiny embryo, but a future life with hopes and dreams. I am sorry you could not experience this world and our love.
We are pregnant again, and while we are prepared for the new arrival, your sleeper is still in the closet where I keep it to think about you.11/12/11, Minneapolis
Corbin was born full term February 20th, 2011 with no sign of any problems. The day he was born, the ped. heard a heart murmur. Two days later we were sent for an echo. Turns out he had serious heart defects that needed heart surgery. He should have died when the umbilical cord was but. Corbin spent the next 81 days in the hospital, underwent three heart surgeries, one heart cath, and countless other procedures before he passed away May 17th, 2011.
He was 364 days younger then his big brother.
Since his passing I have been working to get every newborn tested for heart defects using pulse oximetry. It will takes a couple years but we will get it done. No mother should have to bury her child. To learn more, visit www.pulseoxadvocacy.com
I miss you Peanut. 5.17.11 West Virginia
I\'ve had lost two babies in less than 6 months apart. We lost our little boy Averi on Jan 9,2011. I was only 15 weeks along. I was a funeral and started to have bleeding and I knew something wasn\'t right. I went into the Labor and Deliverary and my husband and I found out that there was no heart beat. We where devastated to hear the news. We had to old children who where excited about the new baby. My husband had to be the one to tell them both that there baby brother was with Jesus. They talk about him all the time.
We moved into a new home found out I was pregnant again. Doctors watched me closer than ever. My husband and I went to Gatlinburg together for our five year anv. Had another appt with my doctor to make sure this wouldnt happen again. We go to the doctor and they were having trouble finding the heart beat. I had to have a ultasound done. I had to go alone because my husband had other children. I found out on my own at 15 weeks my little girl Angel Grace did not make it. On July 6, 2011 She was delivered. Again we had to tell other little one that their little sister was with Jesus. They talk about them all the time. We miss our babies very much. They are my babies that apart of my life just as much as my four year old and two year old now. We have a memorial up for both babies at our new home and we are growing roses in there honor.11-11-11 Louisville, Kentucky
Forever Loved Forever Missed......11/17/10 Las Vegas NV
I tried for two years to get pregnate and in October of 2010 I got my wish. But at 28 weeks my baby detached from the uturin walls an they couldn\'t find his heart beat. I went in for an emergency seasection, an when i woke up I was told that he didn\'t make it. They said he had a couple heart beats an took a few breaths but didnt make it! Its been 7 months since I losted baby Edward a.d I\'m not angery anymore but i still cry (a lot) an I miss him very much. I remember holding his little body crying deeper then ever telling him that Mommy is so so SORRY! I know in my mind that it wasn\'t my fault I just can\'t seem to convice my heart. Somedays I wish God took me instead! I can\'t wait to be with himTulare ca
Last month in October of 2011, I gave birth to my beautiful second child, our second boy, Liam Cisco. The pregnancy was a challenge, as I was considered high risk for a shortened cervix, but went extremely well. Almost every 2 weeks I was given an ultrasound by a speacialist, so I was able to see my boy thrive on the monitor and hear his heartbeat. I was so thankful that he was coming along so great and that I didn\'t need bedrest. When he was born, however, he had TAPVR, a congenital heart condition in which none of the four veins are attached to one side of the heart that is meant to circulate blood to and from the lungs. The condition goes undetected in the womb and can only be presented and noticed at birth, and happens to about 1 on every 20,000 infants. Nothing can prevent it either, it\'s what doctors call \"the luck of the unfortunate draw\", as it is non genetic and sporadic. My boy had open heart surgery within 24 hours of birth and fought for three days on the ecmo machine after surviving the surgery, but did not survive because his lungs couldn\'t keep up. I am devastated and traumatized still to this day, trying to understand God\'s plan in dealing with my strife, but I keep my faith. I love you Liam, and mommy cannot wait to see you again someday...November 7 2011 Los Angeles CA